My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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