I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
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you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
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So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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