dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i dont even know how to be here
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
