U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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