Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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