when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
