Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
