I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize