dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
