I wish my penis had an off switch
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
jump out the window naked night went bad
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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