I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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