I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
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I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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