I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
