Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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