Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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