Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
