That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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