Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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