i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
