The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
