someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
