It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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