I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
