Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
