shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
