I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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