Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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