i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
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I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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