Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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