Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
