I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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