Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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