You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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