I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
