Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
