so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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