i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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