The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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