Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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