I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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