i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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