I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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