I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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