Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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