sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
