Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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