If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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