omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
