It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
