OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
