Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
