I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
