gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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