Don't make out with my wife yet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
