At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
