I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
