my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
