So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Randomize
