Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
