they need to just BURY HIM!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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