Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
