I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you didnt know i had herpes?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
