i would punch a child for taco bell
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
