i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
this hospital has no fireball
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize