Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
