thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
